I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wish there were birth control emojis
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
