brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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