My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
