I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
