I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
