I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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