Got a toothbrush?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
