sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
