Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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