Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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