my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
