oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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