I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You made out with two different species that night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
