im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
