It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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