textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
