There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
