I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
