life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
