Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
