oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
