why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
