JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
