It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
