Buhtt sex?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
