im about as happy as oj after his trial
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
