Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
