I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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