five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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