Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Plan B is the new Plan A
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
