You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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