you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
