Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
