I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
