Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
