Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
