You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and she was petting her beer can
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
