I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
