Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
