i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love having hate sex.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
