I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude i'm inner monologue high
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
