This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
