DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
