listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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