Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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