You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
