In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
