five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
