why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
