piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
