dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
