I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
