haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
