she was so not down for the gang bang
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
